Coffee-Stained Republic-Robloxia War

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Coffee-Stained Republic-Robloxia War
Part of the No Greater Conflict
Date 2024 Location Robloxia Result Ceasefire
Belligerents
Coffee-Stained Republic	Robloxia
Commanders and leaders
Coeptus II (the president's pseudonym)	President David Basuczki
Strength
Unknown	Unknown
Casualties and losses
13,103,062	34,460,493

View template documentation

DEFCON history of the situation

• May 22, 2024: DEFCON 5

• May 23, 2024: DEFCON 4

• May 24, 2024: DEFCON 4

• May 25, 2024: DEFCON 4

• May 26, 2024: DEFCON 4

• May 27, 2024: DEFCON 4

• May 28, 2024: DEFCON 4

• May 29, 2024: DEFCON 4

• May 30, 2024: DEFCON 3

• May 31, 2024: DEFCON 4

• June 1, 2024: DEFCON 4

• June 2, 2024: DEFCON 4

• June 3, 2024: DEFCON 4

• June 4, 2024: DEFCON 4

• June 5, 2024: DEFCON 4

• June 6, 2024: DEFCON 4

• June 7, 2024: DEFCON 4

• June 8, 2024: DEFCON 4

• June 9, 2024: DEFCON 3

until 14:30, DEFCON 2 after 14:30

• June 10, 2024: DEFCON 1

• June 11, 2024: DEFCON 1

• June 12, 2024: DEFCON 1

• June 13, 2024: DEFCON 1

• June 14, 2024: DEFCON 1

• June 15, 2024: DEFCON 1

• June 16, 2024: DEFCON 1

Non-Interactive Map of the Situation (click to view full map of the situation):

Key:

• Coffee-Stained Republic

• Opposition Front

View the interactive map:

Main map

Summary:

The Coffee-Stained Republic-Robloxia War is an ongoing war between the country of Coffee-Stained Republic and Robloxia, which officially began on May 23, 2024. It is also known as the Bloxburg Revolutionary War. Prior to this, the Bloxburg Revolution, a rebelling and political revolution calling for Bloxburg's re-annexation to Robloxia, had being gaining traction. When traction reached a breaking point, Coeptus II blamed that the main reason Robloxians were upset about the government of the republic is that they have been used to living in Robloxia for a long time, and that "every square stud of Robloxia should be treated with sickles and hammers".

Chronological sequence of events

May 23, 2024:

• All radar towers for military use in Robloxia have been activated.
• The Coffee-Stained Republic said its speech on that he has declared war on Robloxia, ultimately planning on invading and occupying it.
• The Coffee-Stained Republic launched a full-scale scouting plane mission to Brookhaven, planning to spy on Brookhaven and its citizens. "Conquer the capital, conquer the country.", says Coeptus II.
• Similarly, another full-scale scouting plane mission is going to Bloxburg, planning on spy on Bloxburg and its citizens. "Wash it with baking soda and the mission's done.", says President Roblox.
• One of Robloxia's many full-scale scouting and spy planes, when it was hovering 33,000 feet (35.92 kilo-studs) over Greater Bloxburg, was hit by a heat-seeking rocket that was launched by the Coffee-Stained Republic. Traveling at a speed of 60 studs per second (16.8 meters per second) when it exited the rocket launcher, the rocket collided with the scouting plane's wings, destroying the spar. The plane, unable to generate lift with its wings, now without spars, crash landed in the Telamon Sea west of Bloxburg. Fortunately, every scout and spy on the plane was ejected from the plane before it crashed, but 100 scouts and spies were killed. Upon hearing this, President Roblox proposed an upgrade to DEFCON 3. However, as soon as the upgrade was proposed, a cease-fire was logrolled into it, effectively causing the war to enter DEFCON 3, although the characteristics of a typical conflict on DEFCON 3 would not materialize directly. The scouts and spies were nicknamed the Bloxburg Rebels to create a form of nomenclatural camouflage with the consensual Bloxburg populace at that time.

May 24, 2024:

• The beginning of the cease-fire. Scouts and spies visited Bloxburg during the day, wearing T-shirts that claimed to identity them as the Coffee-Stained Republic allies.
• At night, scouts and spies, wearing protective force fields, began to move the mines placed by the Coffee-Stained Republic carefully. They would hide brick battling weapon dispensers (the proposed trowel and paintball gun were rejected) in them. The button to operate the dispensers was a secret button attached to the mines themselves.
• One 12-year-old protester who was against the Coffee-Stained Republic managed to get a legendarily rare opportunity to speak with the President of the Coffee-Stained Republic. He said this. All of his hard language was bleeped on television, but his original hard language consisted primarily of the swear word "fuck":

• OK! THAT IS IT! THAT IS THE FINAL STRAW! YOU HAVE RUINED BLOXBURG! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT! WHAT THE [bleep] ARE YOU DOING! I AM TIRED OF YOU [bleep]S! I AM SO [bleep]ING MAD! I AM SO [bleep]ING MAD! I MEAN YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY MADE EVERYONE IN BLOXBURG HAVE EQUAL PAY! THIS IS A NIGHTMARE! THEY ARE RUN BY [bleep]ING [bleep]S! WHEN WILL YOU LEARN! WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THAT YOUR ACTIONS ARE PROFIT OVER PEOPLE! -Anonymous

  

• The same 12-year-old later said off-camera that he would go berserk one day and use brick battling weapons on the Historic Downtown Bloxburg district. He said that he is part of the Bloxburg Underaged but Overreacted Gang (BUOG), a gang full of Robloxians who are younger than 13 years old and have chosen the Bloxburg Rebels to ally with them, as well as adopting them (because some of their parents were sent to prison camps for protesting against the Coffee-Stained Republic).

May 25-29, 2024: Cease-Fire

• The cease-fire continues. With no news articles surfacing about the 12-year-old using brick battling weapons, the Coffee-Stained Republic thought that he was simply "just kidding" about his berserk threat. Many Robloxians did not realize that he was taking his berserk threat seriously.

May 25, 2024:

• During Bloxburg's rush hour, peaceful protesters and rebellions protest against the Coffee-Stained Republic using a freeway revolt style tactic, effectively worsening the already infamously bad traffic on Interblox 199 during the time period. They later chose to peacefully dissemble without any law enforcement intervention.

May 26, 2024;

• The Seed Airlines Airport Employment Team was about to handle a record number of departing passengers amidst the Bloxburg Revolution until the Coffee-Stained Republic closed off the airport to prevent Bloxburgers from bringing Robloxian ideologies to the republic. This resulted in the departing passengers turning into peaceful protesters who later chose to peacefully dissemble without any law enforcement intervention.

May 27, 2024:

• The nature of the peaceful protests and their respective locations have been widely scattered throughout the city of Bloxburg.

May 28, 2024:

• Similar to the past day.

May 29, 2024:

• Similar to the past day. However, the Coffee-Stained Republic decided to hire a highly clandestine army. Little did the Robloxians knew that the war would become global.

May 30, 2024: Cease-Fire Violations Begin:

• Near midnight, the 12-year-old male Robloxian with glasses finally finished his plan, having furnished various types of brick battling weapons smuggled from Robloxia's renowned brick battling arenas. He would strike at 2:30 PM, after cutting all of his classes like a pure truant addicted to the fallacious ideology of absenteeism. He would begin what would be known as the Historic Downtown Bloxburg Massacre, killing 62 Robloxians who all supported the Coffee-Stained Republic. The Historic Downtown Bloxburg Massacre was the explosion that increased Coffee-Stained Republic and Robloxia tensions to DEFCON 3. As a result, air forces are starting to mobilize, with the first intrusive invasions likely to occur at 2:45 PM. However, all bombers and fighters were grounded after the massacre simply would not terminate after 2:45 PM and they were mustered to Historic Downtown Bloxburg to put out a fire in the area. This ironically led to a longer cease-fire.

May 31, 2024 - June 8, 2024: The Second Cease-Fire

• The cease-fire continues. During this time, many Bloxburg citizens continued to peacefully protest until they smelled smoke near the Historic Downtown Bloxburg District. They evacuated to the suburban Bloxburg areas, and continued their peaceful protest until the fire was contained. Meanwhile, the 12-year-old male Robloxian with glasses got yet another legendarily rare opportunity to speak with the leader of the Coffee-Stained Republic. He said this on a remote meeting (that he somehow was able to join):

• YOU GUYS HAVE OFFICIALLY MADE ME LOSE MY MARBLES, SO I WILL OFFICIALLY MAKE YOU LOSE YOUR ENTIRE CAPITAL!

• This public threat to the Coffee-Stained Republic's leader will not be tolerated at all. Immediately after hearing this, the Coffee-Stained Republic requested an upgrade to DEFCON 3. As a result, air forces of the two countries are starting to mobilize.

June 9, 2024:

On June 9, 2024, bombers and fighters started to take off from the Coeptus International Airport and started to head northeast towards Brookhaven, Robloxia, the then capital of Robloxia. Meanwhile, a Robloxian Navy submarine in Rey, Bloxburg Valley, sank after it disclosed its radar location with a sonar ping due to a depth charge detonation by the Coffee-Stained Republic, exploding all of its torpedoes and five medium range ballistic missiles, killing 100, but one torpedo went to the naval carrier of the Coffee-Stained Republic, destroying the carrier and killing all 6,000 on board on 14:30 as the carrier sunk as if it were colliding inelastically with an iceberg. This upgraded the conflict to DEFCON 2. In Sacramento, Bloxburg Valley, a submarine belonging to the Coffee-Stained Republic surfaced and was parked in the Telamon Sea beach of the city. They then violently insurrected and successfully assassinated the governor of Bloxburg Valley and all of his succession in the Sacramento Capitol Building, killing 18, and effectively capturing the state of Bloxburg Valley for the Republic. Robloxia was down to 49 states.

Meanwhile, the Coffee-Stained Republic's air forces from Coeptus International Airport moved northeast to Rovada. 33 miles southwest from the Las Valencias city limits at 14:28, the plane grabbed the attention of the Air Traffic Control (ATC) tower in Las Valencias International Airport as its compass bearing was oscillating between 40 degrees and 50 degrees and it was moving at a subsonic speed of 550 miles per hour (though it was supersonic due to it flying at a high altitude, which meant lower atmospheric pressure and thus a lower speed of sound according to the laws of physics). It was about to parallel Las Valencias Boulevard, and it seemed like it was ready to bomb Las Valencias with a short-range ballistic missile (SRBM). Two minutes later, the Robloxian Emergency Alert Service warned Robloxians that a bomber plane was in the vicinity of the Las Valencias airspace and encouraged every Robloxian to find a strong building and find a shelter here capable of withstanding SRBM-like explosions in case of unexpected detonation of a SRBM in the area. In 14:34, Las Valencias Robloxians reported that a SRBM was sticking out from the plane, with the nonsensical and Generation Alpha-contrived word "gyatt" emblazoned on the exterior surface of the SRBM. Fortunately, the Coffee-Stained Republic respects the DEFCON rules. Unfortunately, it did not mean that air forces were harmlessly cruising. Air force squadrons later dropped out of the plane and parachuted to Las Valencias, where they assassinated the governor of Rovada and all of his succession in the Las Valencias Capitol Building. This captured the state of Rovada. Robloxia was down to 48 states.

June 10, 2024:

The ground and naval forces of the Coffee-Stained Republic invaded Pacifico next and assassinated the governor of South Bloxifornia and his succession, as well as destroying all yachts within a 12 nautical mile radius of Pacifico with their naval carriers. Fortunately, there were no casualties other than the assassinations. To make matters worse, the Coffee-Stained Republic announced that Bloxifornia would be reunified, similar to the two Vietbloxs during the Vietblox War. When the governor of North Bloxifornia, who is living in Blackville and his succession refused to reunify, they were killed also. Unfortunately, the marine attack in Pacifico attracted the attention of Robloxian naval carriers, and with all their torpedoes, they were able to sink eight naval carriers containing 6,000 Robloxians each, which meant they destroyed one corp of their naval forces. The assassinations in total killed 36 Robloxians. The Seaside Lounge had to be closed due to unsafe waters. Robloxia was down to 47 states. Eventually, the war entered DEFCON 1, which meant ballistic missiles can now finally be used.

In response to the marine attack, the ground forces of the Coffee-Stained Republic started to smuggle napalm remote-controlled explosive mines into the Pacifico Hotel's Conference Hall, then detonate them. The destruction of the conference hall later cumulated into the destruction of the Pacifico Hotel, a nine-floor hotel, killing 96 Robloxians who were inside the hotel at that time. They were planned to bomb all of Pacifico but were stopped at the Roggle Tower after counterterror teams found out that to defuse the mines, all the Robloxian needs to do is to cut the blue wire protruding out of the mine like somebody's gyatt for the rizzler. As revenge, the ground forces of the Coffee-Stained Republic threatened to start nuking Brookhaven, and Robloxia was about to nuke Bloxburg in retaliation. Robloxia went first and nuked Bloxburg, killing 13 million Robloxians with one medium range ballistic missile (MRBM) due to the fact the war was mostly confined to one continent of Roblox. While the debris cleared, Bloxburg was cleaned up and liberated from the Coffee-Stained Republic control, but word came that the republic would accept capitulation.

Meanwhile, the Coffee-Stained Republic's air forces from Rovada moved to Eastern Bloxifornia, where they first encountered the Robloxian Air Force. They had aerial combat. The Coffee-Stained Republic occupied Raphaeltown Airport while Robloxia occupied Ro Boise Airport. 15 minutes of equally powerful fighting later, the guy who ran the Coffee-Stained Republic said words that were chilling, kind of:

Welcome to Bloxburg, Roblox. Brought to you by Coffee Stain Studios!

Shortly, the missile silo near Raphaeltown Airport unveiled something that the Coffee-Stained Republic had been planning covertly since the first shots of the Bloxburg Revolutionary War: a nuclear missile, that when detonated with Brookhaven Capitol at ground zero, would kill 384 million Robloxians. The guy later whined and said:

What is wrong, Roblox? Bloxifornia will not help you now. Rovada will not help you now. They are part of us.

Following this, an opposition front was created surrounding the East Bloxifornia area, consisting of Roregon, West Robloxia, Bloxoming, and Wisconsin. Roregon was then speedily captured by the Coffee-Stained Republic, leaving Robloxia with 46 states. The state of Ro British Columbia in nearby Bloxanada also was willing to join the opposition front, but Robloxia said "did I declare war for you", and thus Bloxanada and Robloxia relations slightly worsened, but quickly recovered due to the President Roblox saying he is from Bloxanada.

June 11, 2024:

On June 11, 2024, a MRBM was detonated over the skies of Redville, West Robloxia, killing 6,500,018 Robloxians and causing the Coffee-Stained Republic to capture the state, leaving Robloxia with 45. This was a strategic first move, as West Robloxia directly borders the state Kionne Republic is on. This allowed the Coffee-Stained Republic ground forces to start heading over to Brookhaven and kill President Roblox. Meanwhile, the air forces headed over to East Bloxifornia to join the growing aerial conflict that seemed to encompass all of East Bloxifornia.

Similarly, another MRBM was detonated over the skies of Greenville, Wisconsin, killing 10,018 Robloxians and causing the Coffee-Stained Republic to capture the state. Nearby furry protogens in Hokanda were notified and are yet to release a decision. Luckily, no MRBMs were detonated over Hokanda, because Coffee-Stained Republic had never passed any discriminatory legislation against furries. This too, was also a strategic move, as it allowed for an easy capture of Bloxoming, given the fact West Robloxia can also choose to invade. Meanwhile, the ground forces heading towards Brookhaven choose to split and move towards Bloxoming, with another flank opting to move towards Kionne Republic and Brookhaven instead. Robloxia had 44 states left.

In Robloxia, President Roblox has been notified of the ground forces quickly approaching Kionne Republic and his capitol building in Brookhaven. He immediately called in his ground forces to create a liberation front in the states of Bloxtana and Rohio.

Meanwhile, the flank that is headed towards Kionne Republic were stopped by the ground forces. They found a census designated place near the state line and decided to chill and relax.

Completely unrelated to the war was the appearance of a mysterious figure in the Brookhaven Catholic Church warning them that the end could be near for their location in Robloxia.

June 12, 2024:

On June 12, 2024, a MRBM was detonated over the skies of Bloxyenne, Bloxoming. Due to the powerful nature of the nuke, it killed 6.5 million Robloxians. The Coffee-Stained Republic was easily able to capture Bloxoming due to the sparsely populated capital. Robloxia only had 43 states left. Soon after, all of the Coffee-Stained Republic states bordering East Bloxifornia sent their bombers and fighters, displacing the Robloxian Air Force that had been predominantly occupying the region and was in the path towards a Robloxian victory. Two more MRBMs were detonated over Ro Boise in Southern East Bloxifornia (a region) and Raphaeltown in Northern East Bloxifornia (another region), killing 13 million. Despite there being no casualties were reported over the nuclear explosions, East Bloxifornia fell to Coffee-Stained Republic control. Robloxia only had 42 states left.

June 13, 2024:

On June 13, 2024, the capital of Bloxtana was nuked by a MRBM, killing 6.5 million. The capital of Rohio, Retropolis, was also nuked, killing 1.95 million. Because it had captured the capital, it conquered those states. Robloxia had only 40 states left. Perhaps the funniest incident that occurred in Rohio (actually part of the unrecognized sub-state of Keysota) soil is that a ground force tank (unmarked) got lost when it entered Beltrami County, then moved to Cherokee County, and last, moved to Wadena County. The tank then was destroyed as a 226 miles per hour tornado approached the armored tank, destroying it completely and killing five inside. With Bloxtana and Rohio captured, Kionne Republic was sandwiched between the Coffee-Stained Republic, and in the smack middle of the state was Brookhaven, becoming an outlying target. The Coffee-Stained Republic begun formulating a plan to siege Brookhaven before planning to assassinate President Roblox, which was one of the most pivotal moments in the war history.

June 14, 2024:

In the Brookhaven Catholic Church, a mysterious figure similar to one sighted on June 11, 2024, reappeared, giving the city tips on how to relocate some of its buildings. The siege is still being formulated. In the Robloxian Government Headquarters Three, the entire building was closed to the general public as government employees were deciding on a new location to move their government headquarters and other associated government buildings. Various options were suggested by some government employees, before the options were narrowed and whittled down to Robloxia (the city). Fortunately, no MRBMs were fired on this day, but the nation decided to conduct a national ballistic missile inbound drill. During the drill, everyone in Robloxia sought shelter as if an MRBM were to detonate at their town centered at ground zero.

June 15, 2024:

In the Robloxian Government Headquarters Three, government employees and citizens alike finally casted a vote to relocate the capital of Robloxia to the city of Robloxia. Voting took place throughout the entire day, and in the end, 69% approved of the relocation and 31% declined. The President of Robloxia signed the legislation. The effects of the legislation have commenced since June 16, 2024. Meanwhile, in the Coffee-Stained Republic, the siege is finally finished being formulated and the assassination has been planned. All it remains is to implement the plan tomorrow. For a second consecutive day, no MRBMs are fired. The nation also decided to conduct a national ballistic missile inbound drill, which had become routine ever since the conflict escalated to DEFCON 2. During the drill, everyone in Robloxia sought shelter as if an MRBM were to detonate at their town centered at ground zero.

June 16, 2024

On this day, the citizens, blueprints, equipment, and materials, in Brookhaven moved clandestinely to an abandoned area near Bloxburg, Bloxburg Valley. Similarly, the government buildings had moved to Robloxia. To avoid being detected by radio wave towers, the bombers and fighters, now repurposed to store building materials and equipment, created and broadcasted a radio tower signal with same amplitude but opposite phase, creating destructive interference that was sufficient enough to cloak its location, even with high amplitude resolution abilities present at that time. Meanwhile, a phony government headquarters was created where the government used to stand: a typical Brookhaven home with a President Roblox figure on it.

When the Coffee-Stained Republic’s government entered the home, they saw President Roblox. They then “killed” President Roblox and realized it was a doll made out of rags. Not only that, but the home was scheduled to self-destruct in five minutes if the ragdoll was mutilated in any way,. The republic was unable to run away on time, and everyone in the house died, except for Coeptus II, who was quick and nimble. Coeptus II became the only surviving member of the government and wanted Brookhaven to be nuked (they had no idea that the capital was changed).

Soon after, Coeptus II ordered the destruction of Brookhaven. He said this:

Hey Coffee-Stained Republic Air Force, send MRBMs to Brookhaven. Peek through before you send them. Thanks! Bye.

Unfortunately, the Bloxburg Air Force interpreted the destination of the ballistic missiles to be Brookhaven Peak, a mountain in Brookhaven, rather than the city of Brookhaven itself. In Raphaeltown, East Bloxifornia, the ballistic missile's rockets were on full thrust, and was scheduled to land on Brookhaven within 30 minutes. As for the town's ballistic missile sirens and alarms, unfortunately, there were not any since those got moved too. Coeptus II was effectively committing suicide. Fortunately, Coeptus II moved into a ballistic missile shelter, where he ducked and covered his head as the ballistic missile flew overhead Brookhaven and towards the prevailing Brookhaven Peak to the east. As the ballistic missile inelastically collided with the pointy peak of the Brookhaven Peak, it exploded. Fortunately, there were no mountain climbers at the mountain at that time, but unfortunately, it turned Brookhaven Peak into an active volcano, awakening it from its dormancy, (experts were calling it a super volcano or supervolcano) as everything surrounding the mountain became molten or gaseous. At this point, it seems like that the war would finally end. As for the Robloxians in Bloxburg, they are still revolting against the Fair Pay Executive Order. As for the Robloxians elsewhere, even including Bloxburg, they now had to face a disaster created artificially by the Coffee-Stained Republic.

Coming soon to an encyclopedia near you: 2024 Brookhaven Peak Eruption.