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The 2024 Historic Downtown Bloxburg Massacre was a domestic terrorist attack that occurred at Historic Downtown Bloxburg, Bloxburg Valley, Robloxia on May 30, 2024, beginning at 2:30 PM. It was a part of the Bloxburg Revolutionary War. Robloxians associated with the Bloxburg Underaged but Overpowered Gang (BUOG), with the arithmetic mean age then 6.5 years old, directly killed [placeholder] Robloxians who were allied with the Coffee-Stained Republic and collaterally and indirectly killed countless more. Following the domestic terrorist attack, the Coffee-Stained Republic released a short memo to everyone who wielded power in the Coffee-Stained Republic:
Get this gang deportations.
After being actively and hotly chased by Coffee-Stained Republic border officials, the gang stole thirteen border officials' police vehicles and rammed them directly towards the toll gates bordering the republic, starting a cascading chain reaction that ultimately destroyed thirteen toll gates. The police vehicle convoy was one minute away from the Coffee-Stained Republic border on the Robloxia side, when the Robloxians sang a parody song that began with "We got a number one Coeptus Royale".
15 minutes after the Coffee-Stained Republic border officials admitted defeat, having the inability to revoke the gang's citizenship, the Coffee-Stained Republic, under the rule of Coeptus II, deployed fighters and bombers and began to invade Robloxia for violating cease-fire agreements, officially bringing the Bloxburg Revolutionary War to DEFCON 3 status, but all fighters and bombers were grounded, and their crew were asked to muster to help put out a fire started by arsonists.
After launching an investigation, the Coffee-Stained Republic found that the gang had been plotting this massacre from May 25, 2024, to May 29, 2024, and that the gang planned to target all of Bloxburg one day, starting from the historic downtown that has been so well renowned. Statistics demonstrated that he had received shipments of brick battling weapons and had been planning the terrorist attack since May 25, 2024. The gang wanted a speedy and fair resolution to the Bloxburg Revolution because he was inspired by past revolutionary wars in the past. The Coffee-Stained Republic tried to revoke the citizenship of all 50 gang members but were unable to do so. The Robloxian government is currently awaiting a trial in the Robloxian Supreme Court to pardon the gang members for "taking back what was ours."
Background:
See: Bloxburg Revolutionary War
Massacre Synopsis:
Before:
The massacre began on Thursday, May 30, 2024, as according to reports, the gang obtained their weapons from a Bloxburg Rebels base near the beach of Bloxburg. The Bloxburg Rebels base had signs that were presumably and previously used for peaceful protesting purposes. The linen-colored signs were composed purely out of wood planks and had a text that simply read "#BringBackBloxburg". They would use those signs whenever they were angry. The dimensions of each of the signs were measured to be 190.4 centimeters (6.8 studs) by 143.92 centimeters (5.14 studs) by 5.6 centimeters (0.2 studs) and weighed approximately 53,709 grams (assuming that the wood planks had a density of 0.35 grams per cubic centimeter). The signs were still here by the time the gang left their base, indicating purely that this was not going to be a peaceful protest and that they were angrier than the angriest Romarkian children on their turf.
The brick battling weapons were then packaged into plastic block-shaped boxes that geometrically inscribed their contents, presumably utilizing this tactic to avoid getting the attention of the Coffee-Stained Republic's highly clandestine police department. Between 2:20 and 2:30 p.m., the gang walked on Historical Downtown Bloxburg property without the guidance or even the present supervision of their parental figures or guardians. Eventually, on 2:30 p.m. they stopped at Bloxy Burgers.
During:
The 2024 Bloxy Burgers Mini Massacre
The 2024 Bloxy Burgers Mini Massacre begun after the gang planted what appeared to be a 1,602-kilogram block of beige-colored sand, of which its coloration began to oscillate between bright red and bright blue for 4 seconds before exploding, killing Robloxians as far away as six meters from ground zero. It was later revealed that the block of beige-colored sand was actually trinitrotoluene under disguise. It took a lot of blocks of beige-colored sand to sufficiently kill all 17 customers of Bloxy Burgers at that time, but it was worth it at the end. The mini massacre lasted for a minute.
The 2024 Bloxburg City Hall Failed Couptus II D'Etat
The 2024 Bloxburg City Hall Failed Couptus II D'Etat was a failed coup d'etat operation that would have resulted in Coeptus II being assassinated. It failed primarily due to the fact that Coeptus II has temporarily moved the actual Bloxburg City Hall outside of Historical Downtown Bloxburg and into a clandestine location, of which the gang were unable to locate it within the allotted 60 seconds for the terrorist attack, and also the building was replaced with a stronger decoy. The Coffee-Stained Republic later posted on social media:
always going to coffee-stain you up
The 2024 Bloxburg Gym Massacre
The 2024 Bloxburg Gym Massacre begun after the gang brought another explosive. This explosive and its subsequent associated explosion was sufficient enough to destroy 12 treadmills, 4 punching bags, and 8 weight-lifting benches on the Bloxburg Gym. Unfortunately, the gym was operating at full capacity, which killed 24 Robloxians who were currently using the treadmills, punching bags, and weight-lifting benches.
The 2024 Lovely Lumber Massacre
The 2024 Lovely Lumber Massacre begun after the gang brought yet another explosive. The explosive and its subsequent associated explosion were sufficient enough to combust two barrels full of cut wood, sparking a bright orange-colored and rust-colored fire within the premises. It was enough to burn away the two wooden tables containing three hatchet-like axes each. It was also sufficient enough to knock out the industrial-grade lighting at the place. The ten lumber piles scattered throughout the premises also caught on fire, as well as three logs. Unfortunately for Hans Lumber, he was not supple enough to evacuate from the scene when he fainted from inhaling the institutional white smoke the fires made. Finally, the corroded metallic saw at Lovely Lumber was finally detached, separating Hans Lumber's head from the rest of his body and ultimately killing him.
The 2024 Mike Motors Massacre
The 2024 Mike Motors Massacre begun after the gang brought yet another explosive. The explosive and its subsequent associated explosion were sufficient enough to combust five barrels full of Gazblox gasoline, sparking a bright orange-colored and rust-colored fire within the premises. It was powerful enough to shatter the front and side windows and the industrial lighting of the building. It also damaged the mechanical workstations used by the mechanics. Four cans of Gazblox gasoline caught on fire, and four vehicle painters caught on fire. Since the vehicle paint used in Mike Motors contained a high level of solvents and is purely oil-based (in the past, it was water-based and had a low level of solvents), the vehicle painters caught on fire after the vehicle painters leaked their vehicle paint. The fire later dispersed throughout the dealership, resulting in the death of Mic Carson and five other customers eagerly waiting for their vehicles to be repaired.
The 2024 Beat Nightclub Massacre
The 2024 Beat Nightclub Massacre begun after the gang brought yet another explosive. The explosive and its subsequent associated explosion were sufficient enough to kill two bartenders at the premises. Luckily, no one was at the disco floor or at the seats, but the pillars were unfortunate and collapsed, causing an object without the support of the pillars to undergo a freefall to the disco floor.
The 2024 Gazblox Semitrailer Hijacking and Fire
The 2024 Gazblox Semitrailer Hijacking was a hijacking. It began when the gang was walking to a Gazblox gas station on Bloxburg Valley State Route 210 when they saw a semitrailer. They looked at the cargo of the semitrailer and found a shipping container inscribed within the cargo of the vehicle emblazoned with the word "Gazblox". The gang was quick to notice that the semitrailer driver decided to go to the gas station store to purchase some fresh apples off the shelves of the store before deciding to fill the Gazblox tanks with gasoline and that he forgot to turn off the ignition on his vehicle. The gang was then split into two teams: Team Arsonist and Team Gazblox. Team Arsonist would visit the Pizza Planet and light a fire on the restaurant, which is a typical revolutionary call used during the Bloxburg Revolution ever since the Fair Pay Act was introduced, while Team Gazblox would convert the semitrailer into a runaway semitrailer truck (which was trivial since they never obtained any driver license), hoping to accelerate it to its maximum possible speed and crash it in front of a fire in the Pizza Planet. Team Gazblox would also convert the semitrailer truck seats into ejection seats, preventing them from being killed from the result of their attack.
While Team Arsonist was starting fires in the Pizza Planet area, particularly on the baker workstations, Team Gazblox arrived and crashed their runaway semitrailer truck directly into one of the ablaze baker workstations that was not in use, puncturing a cavity in the shipping container encased within the vehicle's cargo. Approximately 4,280 cubic feet of Gazblox-branded gasoline was instantaneously combusted. As gasoline smoke filled the shipping container, the shipping container's bulk modulus was not sufficient enough to expand the shipping container, and as such, the shipping container exploded like a timed explosive, throwing shipping container shrapnel towards the cashiers and the customers, stabbing 12 Robloxians to death as shards of sharp shrapnel pierced through their plastic skins. It also sparked a colossal fire which burned the crates of the store, as well as exploding a nearby delivery moped due to the excessively high temperature of the fire. Industrial lighting was relatively fragile, and they exploded as a sudden burst in atmospheric pressure subsequently followed the explosion. Eventually, pieces of Pizza Planet exterior started to crumble away and fall, which eventually cumulated in the collapse of the entire building due to the fire.
The fire would later spread throughout Historic Downtown Bloxburg, subsequently combusting other locations. The peaceful protests that had occupied this area prior to the fire were all evacuated to the suburban area, where the protesters resumed their protest until the fire was contained. Due to the rapid nature of the fire's dispersion amidst the low humidity and high wind speeds (those conditions would not ameliorate), it became treated as a wildfire in the area. Due to its treatment as a wildfire, the Coffee-Stained Republic postponed their invasion of Robloxia with their bombers and fighters for a week. Instead of discharging the fighter and bomber crewmates, they mustered them to fight the wildfire. It took a week to put out and officially contain the fire. Ultimately, the fire burned the entire Historic Downtown Bloxburg district into a charred crisp well done piece of plastic,
While the muster was taking place, Team Arsonist and Team Gazblox reunified near a Gazblox gas station near where they previously struck (see Mike Motors) and began finding a police department.
The 2024 Border Teardown
The 2024 Border Teardown was the last devastating terrorist attack the gang orchestrated in response to the country's border patrol threatening to deport them. It all started when the gang found the police department with the ambition of finding police vehicles and embarking on them, then crashing them into the toll booths that prevented them from leaving the Coffee-Stained Republic without paying a 25 ROBUX toll. They struck gold when there were 13 of those border patrol vehicles parked at the parking lot premises. They then drove off.
One red light traffic camera strategically positioned near the district's borders (non-walled) indicated that the gang was traveling dangerously higher than the speed limit. Not only that, but also the drivers appeared to have no driver license. The clandestine police department was notified, and thus commenced a hotly active pursuit over them. The chase began on Bloxburg Valley State Route 210 near Bloxburg, and ended at Bloxburg Valley State Route 10 near Fort Sapphire, Bloxburg Valley (with no law enforcement vehicles present to pursue them) and the children on the vehicle singing "we got a number one coeptus royale."
At the border, they directly rammed over the toll booth divider, damaging the divider of toll booth. In what was known as a cascading chain reaction, this led to the destruction of thirteen toll booths.
Victims:
Reports from the first week after the massacre indicated that the death toll of the entire massacre was 62, which to this day, still remains unaltered. While some reports reported that the death toll could have been higher than this figure, it is likely that the reports ambiguated fire-related deaths with deaths related to the massacre itself. What was surprising is that there were no injuries related to the massacre, even though the same reports treated fire-related injuries such as burns of various extents as actual injuries induced by the massacre itself.
Aftermath:
The clandestine police department announced on June 9, 2024, that Historic Downtown Bloxburg will be closed off to the general public. To enforce this, the clandestine police department has mustered in guards. Guards would only permit reporters, police officers, and nurses to the scene, while others were denied entry. After thirty minutes, outsiders started to peacefully protest against the heavily guarded nature of the Historic Downtown Bloxburg by distracting them with non-sequiturs. However, thirty minutes later, the peaceful protesters who snuck in by posing as a reporter, police officer, or nurse suddenly took a turn for the violent when the protesters started to show off their inherent pugilism by beating up the survivors of the fire, in which every visitor was forced to leave the area. As a result, a stricter lockdown was created. For the survivors of the fire, they were not allowed to leave their homes, and to enforce this, more guards were hired to prevent them from leaving their home. 15 minutes later, visitors once again breached the Historic Downtown Bloxburg area and even beat up the guards who guarded the doors, then beat the survivors of the fire even more. 15 minutes later, the Historical Downtown Bloxburg district was under a mandatory evacuation warning. All citizens were to be relocated at least five blocks away from the original scene, and the guards would move out five blocks outward, guarding a larger area due to the increased perimeter.
Several Robloxians thought it would be clever to erect tributes and memorials into the city to pay respect for the attacks. However, the Coffee-Stained Republic has destroyed every tribute and memorial supporting the attack, citing that the attack was a war crime and that Robloxia needs to pay for all of the damages induced by the gang. One vigil for the massacre in the nearby park was unfruitful as candles on the vigil were put out by fire extinguishers by the clandestine police department (after the vigil leader concluded his speech by saying, "We need to support Robloxia. Thank you."). To fight back, the vigil members violently protested by tossing candles in front of the park, sparking a fire in the park (which burned the park down to the ground before it was contained an hour later). Another tribute was unsuccessful when 99 red-colored help balloons with the words "To Robloxia" were deployed and later shot down by the Coffee-Stained Republic's air force. Unfortunately, due to the indoor and outdoor nature of the event, the venues of the event were damaged by the bombs used to pop the balloons. The buildings would swiftly be repaired. A memorial located in Historic Downtown Bloxburg was razed shortly after its grand opening date for flying a Robloxian flag higher than the Coffee-Stained Republic flag, and the architect was fined the equivalent of R$20 million in Robloxian fiat currency and was scheduled to execution a few days later if the fine was left unpaid. The architect, unable to pay the R$20 million upfront, hired 5,000 Robloxians in Bloxburg to help him pay his fine, but the Coffee-Stained Republic said that you must be able to make that much on your own. The architect was later executed prematurely and without a forewarning that he will be executed prematurely, which was an apparent Robloxian rights violation. He was first glued to a chair using a solvent commonly referred to as school glue, except that the school glue was able to conduct electricity. The chair was then charged positively using a nearby Van de Graff generator, with the potential set to a lethal potential difference. Finally, a conducting capacitator plate was brought near to the chair, creating a lethal electrical current which fried the architect by grounding his brainstem. He even had a hat-shaped wet sponge on his head. He did not even have a chance at saying his last words or eating his last meal. Later, the Coffee-Stained Republic set aside the equivalent of R$200 million in Robloxian fiat currency in their national budget as fines aiming to punish any future memorial or tribute erectors in the country. When interviewed on public television, the leader said "Enough is enough! I have had with these mother[bleep]ing Robloxia memorials and tributes on this mother[bleep]ing country! We will now go on war with Robloxia because you guys all supported it". The last memorial and tribute ever constructed was 62 Robloxian statues in one plot of land in Bloxburg. The area of the entire plot of land was approximately 7,012 square feet, which is not that significant until one realizes that this means each statue creates a circle with radius 6 feet. Major media and propaganda outlets at day reported that the memorial and tribute was dedicated to the fallen heroes of the Coffee-Stained Republic, but at night, the tone shifted when the fire pits beneath the statues were combusted, causing the statues to melt. The inscription "The Fallen Heroes of the Coffee-Stained Republic" transformed into "The Coffee-Stained Republic shall be a Fallen Villain". For this crime, the memorial architect was fined the equivalent of R$4 million. In the district, flowers were on every business that was charred crisp from the fire, but due to relatively hot exterior of the buildings, the flowers later caught on fire. The Coffee-Stained Republic fallaciously fined the building owners, rendering them culpable. When they pleaded not guilty, a biased jury would later find them guilty. There was not even a chance to overrule the jury ruling or accuse the jury of perjury.
After the massacre and subsequent memorial demolition, the Coffee-Stained Republic began to launch its first fighters and bombers into the soil of Rovada. Meanwhile, in Robloxia, fighters and bombers were taking off from the Aeroborne International Airport, heading towards West Robloxia. Aerial combat and bombing is expected to occur shortly after the massacre.
Background on the Gang:
The Bloxburg Underaged but Overpowered Gang (BUOG) is a notable gang on Fort Sapphire (formerly Bloxburg) comprising primarily of 6–7-year-old Robloxians (in fact, this is their median age, which is frequently conflated with their arithmetic mean age). The gang, established in November 2014, had little gang activity to prior the massacre. The maximum size of the gang is 50; any gang members wanting to join must be less than 13 years old and join the waitlist, where they will be approved by the eldest leader after being trained on gang tactics. The gang is a microcosm of a gerontocratic society; the eldest member of the gang would usually lead the gang until they turned 13, when they are forced to resign. During the Bloxburg Revolution, the gang would start to dramatically escalate the scope and magnitude of their conflicts after their town was transformed into the Coffee-Stained Republic ideology, which emphasized gross domestic product growth over its life of its citizens. The massacre that is currently being presented in their article is internally referred to as the Massacre Opus in the sense it is considered to be their largest massacre before the gang departed Bloxburg and moved to Fort Sapphire.
Gallery:
