This blog post is fictionally (as in I was not paid to make this blog post) sponsored by ExploreLearning.

Hello, and welcome back to my blog. I was browsing the Roternet one day when I saw this simulation and played with it:

https://apps.explorelearning.com/gizmos/launch-gizmo/1025*

*This website only allows you to play with it only five minutes per day. I advise you to go create an account if you want to play with it longer, as I did.

As I played with it more and more, I started to question the simulation's realism. Just how realistic is the simulation, I thought, as I kept on launching clowns as if they were projectiles or cannonballs. Then it struck ^{[ba dum tss]} on me. Since I know projectile motion in 2D, I could analyze the situation presented in the simulation. And that is what I did. The main question asked was: What was the initial speed of the clown? (Cue the assumptions)

Assumptions:

We are going to assume that there is no air resistance, and the cannon is always launched from a 45-degree angle (this should maximize the range).

Calculations:

As anyone can tell you, the range of a projectile is ${\displaystyle R=\frac{v^{2}\sin\left(2\alpha\right)}{g}}$. By plugging in ${\displaystyle \alpha=\frac{\pi}{4}}$, we get this equation: ${\displaystyle R=\frac{v^{2}}{g}}$. Solving for initial speed, we get ${\displaystyle v=\sqrt{gR}}$. Now the good thing is: We can just plug in the standard acceleration due to gravity on the surface of the earth and the range and we will get our initial speed of the clown.

The range can be adjusted using the Clown Cannon Control Panel. It defaults to 25 feet, so let's calculate the initial speed of that range first before going on a figurative unit tour. (The world tour is coming soon!)

The Unit Tour

Solving for the initial speed, we get 8.644 meters per second, which Wolfram Alpha approximates it to the speed of a typical falling raindrop. We then solve for 25 inches, and get 2.495 meters per second, which is 1.3 times the speed of the original IBM 729 magnetic tape unit. We then solve for 25 yards, and get 14.97 meters per second, which is 1.2 times the maximum speed of the world's fastest human. We then solve for 25 miles, and get 628.1 meters per second, which is approximately the Concorde airliner's maximum cruise speed. We then solve for 25 centimeters, and get 1.566 meters per second, which is 1.4 times the typical human walking speed. We solve for 25 kilometers, and get 495.1 meters per second, which is 1.1 times the Earth's equatorial rotation speed.

The World Tour

Because our target is actually an interval, we will be listing the minimum range and the maximum range, as well as the minimum and maximum speed. The ranges will be listed in the most precise units possible because we want the most precise answers possible.

Part 1: The Big Top

Range: 1,524 - 2,286 centimeters

Velocity: 12.23 - 14.97 meters per second

Part II: Football Field

Range: 10,058 - 10,973 centimeters

Velocity: 31.41 - 32.80 meters per second

Part III: 8 School Buses

Range: 9,754 - 12,193 centimeters

Velocity: 30.93 - 34.58 meters per second

Part IV: Golden Gate Bridge

Range: 274,320- 304,804 centimeters

Velocity: 164 - 172.9 meters per second

Part V: New York City - Washington D.C

(Unfortunately, the number of centimeters and inches are greater than 9,999,999)

Range: 1,034,877 - 1,087,680 feet

Velocity: 1,759- 1,803 meters per second

Part VI: New York City - Paris

(Unfortunately, the number of feet, centimeters, and inches are greater than 9,999,999)

Range: 6,064,945 - 6,739,039 yards

Velocity: 7,375 - 7,774 meters per second

Analysis

There appears to be no visible horizontal net, inflated bag, or body of water in all of those settings, meaning that our clown would actually land on the ground. Given that the longest human cannonball flight is 193 ft 8.8 in (59.05 m), parts II-VI, if any of those parts were performed successfully, would actually break the world record for the longest human cannonball flight. Assuming that the clowns are launched by an 8 m (26' 3") long cannon, here are the accelerations for the clowns:

According to various sources, most humans can withstand Parts I, II, and III. Anything in Parts IV, V, and VI would kill humans. So, if clowns were human, they should have died. This is why the alternative title of today's blog post is: "Cannonball Clowns are Dead because of You."

So let us assume that they somehow manage to survive the fatal accelerations. The next problem would be the maximum altitude. In Part I, the maximum altitude could vary from 12.5 feet to 18.75 feet. In Part II, the maximum altitude is 82.5 to 90 feet. In Part III, the maximum altitude is 80 to 100 feet. In Part IV, the maximum altitude is 2250 feet to 2500 feet. In Part V, the maximum altitude is 49 to 51.5 miles. In Part VI, the maximum altitude is 861.5 to 957.2 miles. While Parts I and IV would be grounded to the troposphere, Part V would have our clown breaching through the troposphere, the stratosphere, and maybe through the mesosphere, and Part VI would have the clown breaching through all the way to the exosphere. Each of those atmospheric layers presents hazards for the clown. The thermosphere would most likely be where the clowns are killed due to the heat (2,000 degrees Centigrade) and radiation existing in there. Giving that the clowns do not have a pressure suit, they would most likely not survive the mesosphere.

So there, assuming that they could withstand the heat, radiation, and the low atmospheric pressure, this means our blog post unfortunately has to leave the realm of what is possible in science. And this is where we will end our blog post.