Kinda dark I know. What I am going through in life though is pushing me well over my limit, to the point of not caring what happens to me. Like if I die I die. I lay here in bed, hand over a bloody bandage from a self-inflicted wound, wishing to myself that I could bring back the ones I loved. Death would get me closer to them but I am told that I'll meet someone that I would have a love at first sight moment. Well that was a couple weeks ago. I saw someone I knew would be perfect with me but because I am such a fucking shy idiot I didn't even say hello. I HATE MYSELF. THE PERFECT MATCH WAS RIGHT THERE AND I FUCKED IT UP AND DIDN'T TAKE THE CHANCE. I want to kill myself more and more every day. Like my venting method is not understood so why bother? If I killed myself today would anyone miss me? I ask myself that every day of my meaningless and shit life. What have I done that made any difference in the world? Nothing, my death would not be that large of a loss to the world. Every day I take a look at the gun in my safety box and think to myself "Should this be the day I do it?"