I lost my first job that I loved because greedy businessman Elon Musk said National Weather Service didn't need trainee spotters and I fell into the firing group for their "DEI" hires. Spent all of yesterday laying in bed crying and trying to restrain myself from harming myself from it. My breaking point has been hit and passed. Death to me now is just a calming source of tranquility. I want that. I came here last night to edit one of my pages to vent out the thoughts of me wanting to kill myself but I couldn't because of yet another fucking drama. Maybe I need some therapy instead of feeling like killing myself would fix my problems, but the thing is I am alone and I only have two online friends to talk to. I am scared about my future, the place I call home and its people's futures. Watching on the news them showing a chart of where the most deadly areas to be in a warfare, whether nuclear or not, and seeing my home state is likely to be bombed to dust because of it being a food growing area horrified me. I just want to live in peace and not have to live in fear of some psychopaths a world over wanting to eradicate everyone or living in fear of a president that is dying and his cabinet that is unhinged and only focuses on profits over their country's own people. I chose to be a anarchist because both sides betrayed America. One side starting the fire and the other sitting aside and watching it burn. I just wanted to finish my work here so I can say if by some chance I did kill myself as I plan or I get drafted to fight in what appears to be a new war forming, whether it be in the Middle East, Europe, Asia, or even in the very USA, at least I have a little bit of me left behind somewhere.